10 Traditional Wedding Customs and Their Modern Alternatives

There are very few ceremonies in our culture with as many rules and traditions as weddings, and sometimes these customs can be overwhelming. However, the truth is that your wedding can be exactly what you want it to be. You don't have to follow every tradition, and you only need to follow the rules that make sense to you. Here are some wedding traditions that many brides have chosen to ignore.

Engagement Rings

A traditional engagement ring includes a diamond, but many couples are moving away from that and opting for a ring that better fits their personal styles and budget.

You can choose whatever you want to celebrate your engagement, and it doesn't even have to be a ring. If you do decide to go with a ring, it can be in any style you like and include any stones or other details that make you happy. You are the one who is going to wear your engagement ring or other special item, and you are the one who should be thrilled by it. It's okay if a diamond isn't your style.

Who Pays

Traditionally, the bride's family is responsible for paying for the wedding, while the groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner.

Weddings today are often paid for by the bride and groom themselves. Families may choose to contribute to the cost, but it is not usually expected. When the bride and groom pay for their own celebration, it relieves a lot of the stress and tension that comes from families using money as a way of controlling wedding-related decisions. For example, if your parents are paying for your dress, your mother might want a say in which style you choose. Paying for the wedding yourself eliminates this kind of power struggle.

Gift Registry

Gift registries were created so people can give a wedding gift that the happy couple honestly wants and needs. It also eliminates the possibility of duplicate gifts. There are many rules and traditions that surround the registry and how to share it. For example, etiquette says that you can include your registry information on bridal shower invitations, but not on the invitation to your wedding itself.

The registry was a nice idea in the past, because newlyweds needed certain household items to start their lives together. Now many couples have lived together or independently before getting married and already possess these essential items. If that describes you, don't feel pressured to create a registry.

It's okay to ask your guests to give money instead of gifts as long as you do it in a way that isn't demanding or offensive. Simply let your friends and family know that if they choose to give you a gift, cash is appreciated. When you write your thank-you cards, let people know what you used the money for. Your guests will like to know that they sent you and your new spouse out for a nice dinner or that they helped contribute to your honeymoon.

Bridesmaids' Dresses

Traditionally, bridesmaids' dresses are chosen by the bride. The bridesmaids must wear whatever the bride wants and must pay for their own dresses.

Many modern brides are feeling compassion for their bridesmaids and changing this tradition. Some brides choose a color for the dresses but then allow each bridesmaid to choose her own style. Brides who do expect their maids to wear a specific dress may offer to pay for the dresses themselves.

The Wedding Party

A traditional wedding party includes an equal number of men and women, with one man and one woman designated as the most important. They are the best man and the maid of honor. During the ceremony, the men are lined up next to the groom and the women are lined up next to the bride. There is also a flower girl and a male ring bearer, and these roles are taken by children.

Today's wedding parties do not always look like parties of the past. Modern brides and grooms may have attendants of any gender. They may have more than one best man and maid of honor, or may not have these roles designated at all. The ring bearer does not have to be a boy and can be omitted completely, and the same is true of the flower girl. Some couples are having grandmothers sprinkle flowers as they walk down the aisle instead. A friend could also do the honors.

Wedding Gowns

A traditional wedding gown is white and constructed of materials like satin or lace. It is purchased in a bridal shop or made by a seamstress.

Modern brides can choose to wear absolutely whatever they want when they get married, and many wedding gowns now come in pastel colours like blush pink, champagne, and pale blue. Brides may even choose to wear a black gown or a dress in a bold colour.

Some brides take this a step further and choose something other than a dress. There are pantsuits and jumpsuits with a bridal look, or a bride can wear something that doesn't look traditionally bridal at all.

Seeing Each Other Before the Wedding

Tradition says that the bride and groom should not see each other on the day of the wedding until the bride walks down the aisle, but this isn't always practical, possible, or desired.

One popular alternative to this tradition is doing a first look. This is a scheduled time when the bride and groom see each other in their wedding attire for the first time, and it is usually captured by the wedding photographer.

Other couples just forget this tradition altogether and spend the day in each other's presence. This can make it easier to complete tasks like taking pictures before the ceremony.

Giving Away the Bride

In a traditional wedding, the bride is escorted down the aisle by her father. At the end of the aisle, the officiant asks who gives this woman to be married, and the father answers that he does, or sometimes that he and her mother do.

Many modern brides don't like the idea of being given away like a possession, and take exception to this tradition. A bride can be accompanied down the aisle by anyone she wants, including both parents or a support figure who is not a relative. She can also choose to walk alone. Sometimes the officiant will ask who presents the bride instead of who gives the bride away, and some couples just eliminate this part of the ceremony.

Wedding Cake

Traditional wedding cakes often serve as a focal point of the reception, are usually large and lavishly decorated, and have little bride and groom figurines at the top. The traditional bride and groom will cut the first piece of cake together and feed each other bites, sometimes smashing the cake into each other's faces.

You don't have to have a cake at your wedding at all. Instead, you can serve anything from donuts to pie. And if you do have a cake, it doesn't have to look like a wedding cake. Wedding cakes can be outrageously expensive, and many couples choose to spend this money on something else. Other couples may not even like cake and prefer not to participate in the cake cutting ceremony.

Bouquet Toss

At a traditional wedding reception, the single women will be gathered into one spot. The bride will throw her bouquet toward the women, and the person who catches it is believed to be the next to get married.

Some single women hate this tradition and despised being placed in the spotlight and viewed as a woman looking for a husband. Because of this, some brides don't throw a bouquet. Instead, a bride may choose to give her bouquet to her mother or another special person. Some brides will take individual flowers out of their bouquets and hand them to bridesmaids or special guests, whether they are single or not.

Whether or not you follow tradition at your wedding is entirely up to you and your future spouse. It's okay to include tradition and follow customary rules if that's what you prefer, but you are free to make changes as well. The most important thing is that your wedding reflects who you are as a couple and is a memorable and wonderful experience that you will cherish forever.